So I have been experiencing an unfamiliar feeling lately. I laid eyes on a tall, good looking gentleman earlier this semester, and my heart did a bit of a pitter patter. Now the only feeling my heart has had lately has been pain due to a crappy break up that happened frickn two years ago. But this was something different. I got a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach, and everything slowed down as I gazed upon this cutie. To be quite honest, I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was coming down with a sudden fever. Nope....I was just getting all hot and bothered. So I see this cutie every Tuesday and Thursday. He's younger than me, but he's taller so I figure that it evens out. I have never contemplated asking a guy out until now. I won't...because I'm old-fashioned and he most likely thinks I'm crazy, but oh...the thought has definitely crossed my mind. I used to be a pro at flirting. I tossed my hair and batted my eyes like Bugs Bunny in drag ( looney toons reference). But I haven't used my skills in forever! As I've gotten older, I've become more of a straight shooter, and the shy glances and slight caresses that so many girls do just makes me laugh. It doesn't help that I'm brutally honest (to the point of being mean) and have no patience for the ridiculous ways girls try to capture a guy's attention. But geez louise. this guy was different. He smiled a lot. He was intelligent. He loved his family. He wore boots. He liked guns. Phew...I'm getting hot just thinking about it. So I thought that I would try my hand at flirting with him. It's been 7 weeks now, and I still hadn't gotten the courage to entice him with my oh so subtle moves. again! weird. i usually have no problem. (pisses me off!) Moving on. My sisters are the goddesses of seduction (so they think). So when I tell them about my crush, they of course want me to put together a plan of action. It's almost like a battle plan - with this guy being the goal. Laura Rebekah tells me that I need to draw attention to my lips by biting them or rubbing them. She suggests wearing a long necklace and playing with it so that he notices my cleavage (which by the way doesn't make sense to me because I don't ever wear revealing clothes, so what's he going to notice? my awesome Buckle t-shirt -FAIL). She reminds me to flip my hair and giggle....GIGGLE?! Do you not know me!? I do not giggle. it's against my religion. Another friend says I need to touch him. What reason would i have to touch him? I don't understand females. Needless to say...I got tons of advice. So yesterday, I'm talking with this gentleman and we are bantering about something. I mention a status that he had. For the record....I did not go to his wall to stalk him! It was on my newsfeed. Anyways, he pauses and looks at me and says, "Oh, so you stalk me." Yeah. I don't know when I've been more embarrassed. I am guilty of checking out his photos, and seeing if he's single or not, but I am def. NOT a stalker. My father however....I have to take a side trip and tell you about my dearest darlingest dad. I use code words if ever I'm crushing on someone. Because my sisters will tell my dad and my dad...well HE will STALK them on facebook. and he did. I slipped up and used a first name. it got back to my father, and sent me a text message saying something smart ass about this cutie. THEN he threatened to add him as a friend! WHY GOD WHY?! So...I'm thinking of my father's stalkerish tendencies and am slightly worried my dad had friend requested him. When Mr. Handsome asked me about stalking, my heart stopped beating and my face turned beet red. Thankfully, I have amazing recovery skills, and responded sarcastically. So after that encounter, we're walking toward the library, and my sister's voice is playing in my head, "touch him. don't forget to touch him. you suck at flirting. he won't know anything unless you touch him." She won't SHUT UP! So I veer to the left and he veers toward the right, and all I can think is "TOUCH HIM!" I want to kill my pretty little sister for ruining my common sense. So I touch him. I thump him on his back and say, "See ya later pal." Yes. I thumped. I didn't caress. I didn't let my fingers linger. I thumped. Like he was choking. Like he needed air. Like I'm an IDIOT! And then I walked away laughing out loud almost hysterically because I couldnt' believe what I had just done. Wow. I'm kinda amazing. I really am gifted in the art of seduction.
I won't be able to look at him tomorrow. but lesson learned. don't listen to your sister (even though she's married and I'm single.) I love my sister. but I hate her too.
This here is my true love. Judah Alexander. He is free with his kisses, and he thinks i'm pretty. psh...who needs boys. Anyways folks, I just thought this story would make y'all laugh and we all need a good laugh.
Many Blessings, and remember ....Our God is Great!
Mary Katherine
1 comments:
lol. :-) You are too funny. You should ask him to go dancing with your crew or something. Country dancing is a great way to get to know someone. Think about it. 3 minutes of just you and him, close to each other, him leading you so he feels like a man, you following his lead... having fun. Ok, all that sounds dumb but seriously it's a good idea. And it's not like a super serious date when you go out with a group, but you still get out-of-class time...Let me know how it goes. ;-) The hall is a hallowed place.
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